Control or Influence

I was thinking this morning about the difference between control and influence. I know control has gotten a bad rap, but ponder with me for a moment. Let's use a metaphor to understand this better. Consider the act of eating: we all do it, most folks struggle with it to some degree. We take in calories, we metabolize them, we store them as fat to be used at a later date. When it comes time to use the fat, do we have control or influence? Which would you prefer?

Here is the difference, and one worth remembering. When we want the fat to come off, we really don't have control: all we can do is influence fat loss. We can exercise, we can change eating habits, but none of that gives us any control over our fat loss. For example, I've stripped my diet in a number of ways: more veggies, lots of tuna, low sugar intake. STILL...I've got this tire around my midsection. Do you know what I mean? If I could CONTROL my weight loss, I'd stick my fat on the bottoms of my feet or evenly distributed around my upper legs and calves, but I cannot control my weight loss, I can only influence it.

I CAN control my weight gain though. I can control how much weight I add to my body by controlling my eating, the types of food I eat, when I eat it. I CAN control that part.

So which is most valuable? Influence or control? When one considers that he or she can only influence the outcomes BUT that one can control the inputs, there is an obvious end to strive for. Think about it. Your investment in your day, your relationships, your experience with Jesus is within your control; your reaction to your day, your relationships and Jesus experience with you is only a mixture you can influence.

Paul the Apostle reminds us of this in Galatians 5:22-24 when he speaks about self-control. Maybe that is why we are told to be slow to speak, slow to anger and quick to hear. Maybe its because we can control the slow parts.

As for me, I'll choose control, and I'll take a healthy dose of it!

Do you know someone that could benefit from this posting? Why not send it to them? Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships. This and other topics can be found in the book Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.

Immunity to Change Review

I'm working on my masters in Strategic Leadership and recently read a book titled Immunity to Change by authors Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey. If you have any desire to evaluate your life and work on areas that you have never been successful at changing, this almost-three-decade research project is a great read. It began almost 30 years ago from the question of why people don't change when their lives depend on it? A number of cardiac patients with death sentences were summoned to change their lives or die. They found that about 7 out of 8 never changed and consequently died. Why wouldn't anyone change if their life depended on it? The study progressed from there to a practical study of individual and corporate life as well.

The idea behind an immunity system is that it defends some needed element. In the case of our personal health, our immunity systems keep sickness and disease under control by destroying any foreign attackers, shielding our overall health. In the same way, Kegan and Lahey identify that we produce immunity systems to protect areas of our lives that are necessary to defend our views of ourselves. These immunity systems keep whatever they are protecting from experiencing environmental change through circumstances. Here is an example:

Imagine an inner circle that contains a part of my personality, specifically my abhorrence of being criticized. An immunity system built around that core component (as an outer ring) may be that I get angry when bothered or challenged. What others see is that I fly off the handle without, perhaps, any provocation. The problem isn't that I have anger issues--the problem is that I hate being criticized. The Kegan/Lahey approach helps delve into the reason for that inner circle issue and helps define ways to test it and change it. What drives the abhorrence of criticism? I will let you read the book to find out how the four step process flows for yourself.

The book is written from a secular standpoint and I don't suggest it carries the weight of scripture, however, it is extremely valuable for identifying ways to pursue personal change. It is an easy read that is a little slow in the beginning but quickly picks up speed. Their use of real-world experiences and studies puts flesh on the bones. I highly suggest it as a read.

Do you know someone that could benefit from this posting? Why not send it to them? Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships. This and other topics can be found in the book Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.

Serving Others In Their Weakness

It has been a while since my last post. As in any other long distance race, you must occasionally stop to catch your breath. This is exactly what happened with me. Economics means that we have limited resources and an unlimited number of desires--we have to choose what we spend our resources to purchase. Time is a resource. Time is limited. I think you get the point.

Let me return to my blog by offering a concept that may be frustrating to grasp, but which has become infinitely more valuable to me over these past nine months. I think this will find a new chapter in my next book. You must serve your leadership in their weakness as much as you would in their strength; allow me to elaborate.

It's not difficult to serve a manager, pastor, family member, client or instructor when they are exhibiting strong characteristics of leadership. During this time we value them, we esteem them and we see them as a champion of their world, and perhaps even our own. But its how we see them when they operate out of their weakness that is of utmost importance. When your manager, pastor, client or other authority figure begin making decisions that you disagree with; when they begin to show blind spots; when they walk in a direction that you are convinced is wrong or that will be damaging, can you still serve them? Can you let go of your concern and give it your all?

Now, I'm not speaking about great moral failure where monies are embezzled or where sexual misconduct would disqualify them from their positions of leadership; certainly, I am not suggesting blind pursuit such as in the cases of Jim Jones, the Waco Texas incident or numerous other circumstances of that kind. What I am saying is that there are issues in leadership that are judgement calls. And in numerous situations, people in authority can choose to operate out of their fears, their failures, their weaknesses, their desire for political gain, their need for attention, their inability to process certain types of data, their moral upbringing, their childhood damages or any other number of innumerable situations. We are all flawed. We all have blind spots. We all have shallow hearing at times. When those in your life that you serve, operate from these positions of lack, can you serve them just as faithfully and whole-heartedly as when they are operating from their strengths, or do you find yourself gossiping, judging and backbiting at them because of their flaws.

I will probably write more on this in my next post because the topic is too large to deal with in a single post. But let me leave you with this thought. In 1 Peter 2:18-23 there is a spectacular section of Scripture that discusses relationships. Here is a small excerpt from the King James version, "Servants, be subject to your masters...not only to the good...but also to the froward." The word "froward" means crooked. The greek is scolios--where we get the word scoliosis. There is a lot more that I will write about later, but note that we are commanded to serve our leadership even when their path is not straight. We must give them the ability to make mistakes, to learn their own limits and humanity, and to support them in the act of change. After all, isn't that what we want?

Do you know someone that could benefit from this posting? Why not send it to them? Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships. This and other topics can be found in the book Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.

The Value of Failure

I enjoy golf, tennis, racquetball and MMA. But when I want to relax, cooking is my passion of choice. I love to try new flavors, new spices and the new coffees that go with them. I love to make things that I have never made before and to create my own culinary dishes. Along with any passion, though, comes the need for increased skill. To gain the skills I want without going to culinary school, I choose a challenging item and I make it over and over until I master it. Let me give you a couple examples.

For years I could not make a decent piecrust. As a matter of fact, I tried and failed so many times that I finally walked away from it. For seven years, I was so disgusted that I didn’t try to make a pie. Then I decided that I wouldn’t let it whip me. I spent three months just working on piecrust. I found someone who knew what they were doing and they showed me their secrets. After I learned the keys to a good piecrust, I’ve seldom made a bad one since.

When I decided to conquer fudge, I did the same thing. You should have seen the number of batches I threw away. My wife wondered what I was thinking because after I would make a batch of fudge and after it cooled, I took the first taste. As soon as it was on my tongue, I immediately knew its fate. I threw better than 30 batches of fudge away before I started to get a 50% success rate. The fudge that I was working toward was the kind that was so smooth and creamy that it would feel like silk on your tongue-not like the gritty sand paper fudge you get from Aunt Wilma at Christmas time. To make good cooked fudge takes skill and after about three months of failing batch after batch, I got to the point where I felt comfortable saying I had mastered the art of making fudge.

When I look at my fudge and piecrust skills, I’m proud of my accomplishments. I was challenged and I didn’t quit until I reached the level of mastery I chose to call success. What makes these victories so tasty isn’t because I got to the point I was striving for but because I got to the point by struggling to get there. When I make a good crust or a good batch of fudge, I remember all the failures it took to reach this point. I remember all the bad batches I threw away to finally reach my goal. I remember the frustration I experienced repeatedly before reaching my goal. Had I made the perfect pie the first time or the perfect batch of fudge out of the chute, I would never value these skills to the degree I now do.

What makes success so sweet is the road that it takes to get there. People who are given success without failure only get lazy, bored and soft. These are they who struggle with depression and anxiety. Failure is not bad if it is a controlled failure and a controlled failure is one that is not necessarily enjoyed but is at least embraced and then used to reformulate a plan to try again. Success without failure is a gift, and the depth of our love and appreciation for any one or any thing grows more because of our long-term shared failures than because of our simple shared successes.

Let me remind you what Jesus says in the seventh chapter of the Gospel of Luke. Read it for yourself to get the full effect, but, when asked about the depth of failure, He explains that whoever will see and embrace their deep failure can experience a greater understanding and joy of God’s bottomless love. He goes on to say that when we neglect and ignore our deep failures, we resign ourselves to experience a very faint shadow of kindness instead. Embrace the aroma of your life’s failures and let them enhance the flavor of your successes because a truly tantalizing masterpiece cannot have one without the other.

Do you know someone that could benefit from this posting? Why not send it to them? Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships. This and other topics can be found in the book Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.

Find Your Bootstrap

A bootstrap has a very defined use. In the computer world, it refers to a little piece of executable code that loads in memory to prepare the way for a larger piece of code to run. That larger piece of code, in turn, loads an even larger piece of code, which, when all is said and done, renders the beautiful graphical user interface you have come to know and love, hence the term, “boot your computer.”

Another term for a “bootstrap” is the loop located at the backside of any number of boots. You use it to pull your shoe on. It is a small piece of material (typically leather) that allows you to exert a tremendous amount of force upon the upward direction of the boot. Just as a rudder is a small item on a ship or boat that performs a great task, the bootstrap is a small member that performs just as mightily. Without a bootstrap, there would be little choice but to grab the sides of the slick boot material and, if you were lucky, have enough strength between your fingers and thumb to not only hold the material tightly, but to pull the boot on. Having the strap with the loop in the end of it yields a much greater advantage because it helps us not to lose our grip.

The part about using the bootstrap that I love the most (you who wear boots will understand what I mean) is when you are pulling on the strap and simultaneously pushing your foot down into the boot. You are pulling and pushing with all your might and suddenly, the bulk of your foot gets past the bend of the boot and “pop”, your foot jumps into place and then everything is comfortable. The stress of getting your foot in the boot is gone. You no longer have to struggle with your hands and arms in the fight to win the battle between your foot and your boot. Everything reaches a point of release and things just fit the way they were intended to.

We can learn a lot from the bootstrap-little task or little loop, both lead to the same result: perseverance and result. Maybe you have a beautiful set of boots just sitting in your closet because, even though they are just your size, you’ve never been able to get them on your feet. Those boots just happen to be your dreams, your hope for a new job; your desire to take on a task that is over your head; your hope for a renewed marriage. Dust off your dream. Dust off your hope. Find the bootstrap. Stick your finger of determination inside the loop of hope and begin to pull. Give it all you have and don’t give up. Just keep pulling. Even if you have to take a second to rest, that is fine, but then get back to the struggle. Work it through. Never quit. Eventually things will pop into place, the struggle will be over and you will enjoy the fruit of your struggles.

As a follower of Jesus, I have this promise, cited at Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me.” Romans 8:34 says, “It is Christ that died, yes rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us.” I know that I can do anything through Christ Jesus and I know that His goals are for my good because He is praying for me even now. In these promises, I have the secure loop of hope I need to grab hold and to pull with all my might. Do you have the secure hope that you can pull with? If so, then get started! It is never too late to start. Dust off your boot, stick your foot in and pull!

Do you know someone that could benefit from this article? Why not send it to them? Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning in business and relationships. This topic and others like it can be found in the book Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.

Learning to Take A Break

Everyone needs to learn how to take a break. Life gets too busy too often. No one will come to us and demand that we stop and if we choose to continue driving through controlled intersections, there is a willing recipient called "the grave" that will accept our offering of life. Only we can choose not to deposit our most precious possession into its care.

You may have wondered why I haven't posted anything since October 30th. It's because I have limited resources and they are being used for items of greater importance and so I am taking a break. The most important things in my life are my relationships and those become an even greater focus during the Thanksgiving and Christmas season. I love to celebrate life and gratitude with my family, friends and the needy in my community. And since I've never discovered how to squeeze more than 24 hours out of any day, I, like you, am forced to elect what will receive my attention and my affection.

After Christmas I will begin challenging and encouraging you again. But, suffice it for now to offer this one Christmas challenge: make plans to enjoy the Jesus of Christmas. At this time of year He is not celebrated as a judge-which He is. He's not celebrated as a conquering King-which He is. At this time of year, He's celebrated as the approachable and gentle child. Now, even as a man, Jesus maintains these characteristics and will gratefully receive any who approach Him. This Christmas, will you do so and give Him the most valuable possession you have?

May you enjoy a Merry Christmas, filled with peace, freedom from condemnation and filled with an abundance of hope.

Do you know someone that could benefit from this posting? Why not send it to them?
Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships. This and other topics can be found in the book Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.

The Victim Mentality

Whether we like it or not, history does repeat itself. Markets plummet, nations fight, people argue, management refuses to listen, employees refuse to engage themselves. In families, unspoken expectations abound and spoken expectations are often unmet. All these circumstances educate us to be skeptical students of life. Every day we face the effects of other people’s decisions and can do nothing about them except smile and go on. As we experience these constant torrents, little by little, the surface of our pride and worth is eroded away. We stand the temptation of becoming self-centered and defensive. We develop a victim mentality.

People are often quick to embrace the victim mentality because it removes all blame and responsibility from themselves and places it on something or someone else. We are a victim of circumstance. We are a victim of others’ decisions. “I didn’t decide this. I can’t control it. Why should I have to take the blame for it?” This exemplifies the conversation we have with others or within ourselves as we step into this existence. The danger with following this mental and emotional path is that we express a number of negative things to those around us. Because each person may perceive the same situation differently, we run the chance of showing ourselves as a liar, selfish, unengaged, individualistic, standoffish, arrogant and unconcerned about others in the same situation.

As an example of the victim mentality, let me offer the following personal experience. Recently, my son came home from school. He did the homework that he was responsible for and which he had written down on his daily calendar. Of course, his sole intent was finishing so he could hit the pedals of his bicycle and trek off to his next conquest. Post haste, he finished his responsibilities and ventured out to experience the world. When I arrived home that evening, I asked him if had finished his homework. “Yep. I did it as soon as I got home from school.” I then asked the fatal second question, “Have you studied for your test tomorrow?” “What test tomorrow?” he responded back. “Dad! I didn’t know there was a test tomorrow!” Obviously, he felt that by pushing the point, he would somehow convince me that the test was unimportant and that his continued bike trek was the most valuable experience. What he was really saying, but not vocalizing was, “Why should I have to study for a test when I didn’t know it was going to happen?”

How many times do we jump into the attitude of the victim because either we don’t know about the circumstances that overtake us or we are not able to control their onset? How many times do we excuse ourselves from responsibility, liability and team membership solely because we were not part of the decision making process or were uninformed until the last moment? We have two choices when these circumstances catch us by the neck. We embrace them and work through them or we declare ourselves the victim and excuse ourselves: disgracing ourselves and forcing others to take the lead in addressing the challenge and moving forward. I would suggest that we lose more by victimizing ourselves than of facing the situation in truth and working it through for a resolution. While it’s true that taking the attitude of a victim offers us a false sense of power, control and exemption, we sacrifice our reputation in the same stroke.

My conversation with my son continued, “Son, maybe you didn’t know that the test was happening, but the test is happening and if you don’t choose to face this fact, you will be ill-prepared for tomorrow. You have two choices. You can face the truth and realize that you now have a situation that you weren’t expecting-one that needs handled and prepared for. Or, you can be the victim of this circumstance and fail the test tomorrow because you chose to ignore it rather than do everything you can to make the best of a trying situation. Which will it be?” Gratefully, he chose to make the best of it. It wasn’t one of the A+ grades that he often receives but he accomplished a handful of very important things, namely ownership in his life’s education, self-confidence, greater maturity and favor with me as his father. He showed me that he is growing up and becoming the man of honor I hope him to become.

You will have a test tomorrow. You won’t know what it is until it takes you by surprise. What are you going to do about it? Victim or victor, you decide.


Do you know someone that could benefit from this posting? Why not send it to them?
Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships. This and other topics can be found in the book Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.