Bryan Hurlbut's Blog

Control or Influence

2011-12-05T21:01:00.004-06:00

I was thinking this morning about the difference between control and influence. I know control has gotten a bad rap, but ponder with me for a moment. Let's use a metaphor to understand this better. Consider the act of eating: we all do it, most folks struggle with it to some degree. We take in calories, we metabolize them, we store them as fat to be used at a later date. When it comes time to use the fat, do we have control or influence? Which would you prefer?

Here is the difference, and one worth remembering. When we want the fat to come off, we really don't have control: all we can do is influence fat loss. We can exercise, we can change eating habits, but none of that gives us any control over our fat loss. For example, I've stripped my diet in a number of ways: more veggies, lots of tuna, low sugar intake. STILL...I've got this tire around my midsection. Do you know what I mean? If I could CONTROL my weight loss, I'd stick my fat on the bottoms of my feet or evenly distributed around my upper legs and calves, but I cannot control my weight loss, I can only influence it.

I CAN control my weight gain though. I can control how much weight I add to my body by controlling my eating, the types of food I eat, when I eat it. I CAN control that part.

So which is most valuable? Influence or control? When one considers that he or she can only influence the outcomes BUT that one can control the inputs, there is an obvious end to strive for. Think about it. Your investment in your day, your relationships, your experience with Jesus is within your control; your reaction to your day, your relationships and Jesus experience with you is only a mixture you can influence.

Paul the Apostle reminds us of this in Galatians 5:22-24 when he speaks about self-control. Maybe that is why we are told to be slow to speak, slow to anger and quick to hear. Maybe its because we can control the slow parts.

As for me, I'll choose control, and I'll take a healthy dose of it!

Do you know someone that could benefit from this posting? Why not send it to them? Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships. This and other topics can be found in the book Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.

Immunity to Change Review

2011-11-01T15:57:00.005-06:00

I'm working on my masters in Strategic Leadership and recently read a book titled Immunity to Change by authors Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey. If you have any desire to evaluate your life and work on areas that you have never been successful at changing, this almost-three-decade research project is a great read. It began almost 30 years ago from the question of why people don't change when their lives depend on it? A number of cardiac patients with death sentences were summoned to change their lives or die. They found that about 7 out of 8 never changed and consequently died. Why wouldn't anyone change if their life depended on it? The study progressed from there to a practical study of individual and corporate life as well.

The idea behind an immunity system is that it defends some needed element. In the case of our personal health, our immunity systems keep sickness and disease under control by destroying any foreign attackers, shielding our overall health. In the same way, Kegan and Lahey identify that we produce immunity systems to protect areas of our lives that are necessary to defend our views of ourselves. These immunity systems keep whatever they are protecting from experiencing environmental change through circumstances. Here is an example:

Imagine an inner circle that contains a part of my personality, specifically my abhorrence of being criticized. An immunity system built around that core component (as an outer ring) may be that I get angry when bothered or challenged. What others see is that I fly off the handle without, perhaps, any provocation. The problem isn't that I have anger issues--the problem is that I hate being criticized. The Kegan/Lahey approach helps delve into the reason for that inner circle issue and helps define ways to test it and change it. What drives the abhorrence of criticism? I will let you read the book to find out how the four step process flows for yourself.

The book is written from a secular standpoint and I don't suggest it carries the weight of scripture, however, it is extremely valuable for identifying ways to pursue personal change. It is an easy read that is a little slow in the beginning but quickly picks up speed. Their use of real-world experiences and studies puts flesh on the bones. I highly suggest it as a read.

Serving Others In Their Weakness

2010-02-19T09:14:00.005-06:00

It has been a while since my last post. As in any other long distance race, you must occasionally stop to catch your breath. This is exactly what happened with me. Economics means that we have limited resources and an unlimited number of desires--we have to choose what we spend our resources to purchase. Time is a resource. Time is limited. I think you get the point.

Let me return to my blog by offering a concept that may be frustrating to grasp, but which has become infinitely more valuable to me over these past nine months. I think this will find a new chapter in my next book. You must serve your leadership in their weakness as much as you would in their strength; allow me to elaborate.

It's not difficult to serve a manager, pastor, family member, client or instructor when they are exhibiting strong characteristics of leadership. During this time we value them, we esteem them and we see them as a champion of their world, and perhaps even our own. But its how we see them when they operate out of their weakness that is of utmost importance. When your manager, pastor, client or other authority figure begin making decisions that you disagree with; when they begin to show blind spots; when they walk in a direction that you are convinced is wrong or that will be damaging, can you still serve them? Can you let go of your concern and give it your all?

Now, I'm not speaking about great moral failure where monies are embezzled or where sexual misconduct would disqualify them from their positions of leadership; certainly, I am not suggesting blind pursuit such as in the cases of Jim Jones, the Waco Texas incident or numerous other circumstances of that kind. What I am saying is that there are issues in leadership that are judgement calls. And in numerous situations, people in authority can choose to operate out of their fears, their failures, their weaknesses, their desire for political gain, their need for attention, their inability to process certain types of data, their moral upbringing, their childhood damages or any other number of innumerable situations. We are all flawed. We all have blind spots. We all have shallow hearing at times. When those in your life that you serve, operate from these positions of lack, can you serve them just as faithfully and whole-heartedly as when they are operating from their strengths, or do you find yourself gossiping, judging and backbiting at them because of their flaws.

I will probably write more on this in my next post because the topic is too large to deal with in a single post. But let me leave you with this thought. In 1 Peter 2:18-23 there is a spectacular section of Scripture that discusses relationships. Here is a small excerpt from the King James version, "Servants, be subject to your masters...not only to the good...but also to the froward." The word "froward" means crooked. The greek is scolios--where we get the word scoliosis. There is a lot more that I will write about later, but note that we are commanded to serve our leadership even when their path is not straight. We must give them the ability to make mistakes, to learn their own limits and humanity, and to support them in the act of change. After all, isn't that what we want?

The Value of Failure

2009-04-23T19:08:00.006-05:00

I enjoy golf, tennis, racquetball and MMA. But when I want to relax, cooking is my passion of choice. I love to try new flavors, new spices and the new coffees that go with them. I love to make things that I have never made before and to create my own culinary dishes. Along with any passion, though, comes the need for increased skill. To gain the skills I want without going to culinary school, I choose a challenging item and I make it over and over until I master it. Let me give you a couple examples.

For years I could not make a decent piecrust. As a matter of fact, I tried and failed so many times that I finally walked away from it. For seven years, I was so disgusted that I didn’t try to make a pie. Then I decided that I wouldn’t let it whip me. I spent three months just working on piecrust. I found someone who knew what they were doing and they showed me their secrets. After I learned the keys to a good piecrust, I’ve seldom made a bad one since.

When I decided to conquer fudge, I did the same thing. You should have seen the number of batches I threw away. My wife wondered what I was thinking because after I would make a batch of fudge and after it cooled, I took the first taste. As soon as it was on my tongue, I immediately knew its fate. I threw better than 30 batches of fudge away before I started to get a 50% success rate. The fudge that I was working toward was the kind that was so smooth and creamy that it would feel like silk on your tongue-not like the gritty sand paper fudge you get from Aunt Wilma at Christmas time. To make good cooked fudge takes skill and after about three months of failing batch after batch, I got to the point where I felt comfortable saying I had mastered the art of making fudge.

When I look at my fudge and piecrust skills, I’m proud of my accomplishments. I was challenged and I didn’t quit until I reached the level of mastery I chose to call success. What makes these victories so tasty isn’t because I got to the point I was striving for but because I got to the point by struggling to get there. When I make a good crust or a good batch of fudge, I remember all the failures it took to reach this point. I remember all the bad batches I threw away to finally reach my goal. I remember the frustration I experienced repeatedly before reaching my goal. Had I made the perfect pie the first time or the perfect batch of fudge out of the chute, I would never value these skills to the degree I now do.

What makes success so sweet is the road that it takes to get there. People who are given success without failure only get lazy, bored and soft. These are they who struggle with depression and anxiety. Failure is not bad if it is a controlled failure and a controlled failure is one that is not necessarily enjoyed but is at least embraced and then used to reformulate a plan to try again. Success without failure is a gift, and the depth of our love and appreciation for any one or any thing grows more because of our long-term shared failures than because of our simple shared successes.

Let me remind you what Jesus says in the seventh chapter of the Gospel of Luke. Read it for yourself to get the full effect, but, when asked about the depth of failure, He explains that whoever will see and embrace their deep failure can experience a greater understanding and joy of God’s bottomless love. He goes on to say that when we neglect and ignore our deep failures, we resign ourselves to experience a very faint shadow of kindness instead. Embrace the aroma of your life’s failures and let them enhance the flavor of your successes because a truly tantalizing masterpiece cannot have one without the other.

Find Your Bootstrap

2009-02-24T17:32:00.002-06:00

A bootstrap has a very defined use. In the computer world, it refers to a little piece of executable code that loads in memory to prepare the way for a larger piece of code to run. That larger piece of code, in turn, loads an even larger piece of code, which, when all is said and done, renders the beautiful graphical user interface you have come to know and love, hence the term, “boot your computer.”

Another term for a “bootstrap” is the loop located at the backside of any number of boots. You use it to pull your shoe on. It is a small piece of material (typically leather) that allows you to exert a tremendous amount of force upon the upward direction of the boot. Just as a rudder is a small item on a ship or boat that performs a great task, the bootstrap is a small member that performs just as mightily. Without a bootstrap, there would be little choice but to grab the sides of the slick boot material and, if you were lucky, have enough strength between your fingers and thumb to not only hold the material tightly, but to pull the boot on. Having the strap with the loop in the end of it yields a much greater advantage because it helps us not to lose our grip.

The part about using the bootstrap that I love the most (you who wear boots will understand what I mean) is when you are pulling on the strap and simultaneously pushing your foot down into the boot. You are pulling and pushing with all your might and suddenly, the bulk of your foot gets past the bend of the boot and “pop”, your foot jumps into place and then everything is comfortable. The stress of getting your foot in the boot is gone. You no longer have to struggle with your hands and arms in the fight to win the battle between your foot and your boot. Everything reaches a point of release and things just fit the way they were intended to.

We can learn a lot from the bootstrap-little task or little loop, both lead to the same result: perseverance and result. Maybe you have a beautiful set of boots just sitting in your closet because, even though they are just your size, you’ve never been able to get them on your feet. Those boots just happen to be your dreams, your hope for a new job; your desire to take on a task that is over your head; your hope for a renewed marriage. Dust off your dream. Dust off your hope. Find the bootstrap. Stick your finger of determination inside the loop of hope and begin to pull. Give it all you have and don’t give up. Just keep pulling. Even if you have to take a second to rest, that is fine, but then get back to the struggle. Work it through. Never quit. Eventually things will pop into place, the struggle will be over and you will enjoy the fruit of your struggles.

As a follower of Jesus, I have this promise, cited at Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me.” Romans 8:34 says, “It is Christ that died, yes rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us.” I know that I can do anything through Christ Jesus and I know that His goals are for my good because He is praying for me even now. In these promises, I have the secure loop of hope I need to grab hold and to pull with all my might. Do you have the secure hope that you can pull with? If so, then get started! It is never too late to start. Dust off your boot, stick your foot in and pull!

Do you know someone that could benefit from this article? Why not send it to them? Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning in business and relationships. This topic and others like it can be found in the book Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.

Learning to Take A Break

2008-12-15T17:08:00.004-06:00

Everyone needs to learn how to take a break. Life gets too busy too often. No one will come to us and demand that we stop and if we choose to continue driving through controlled intersections, there is a willing recipient called "the grave" that will accept our offering of life. Only we can choose not to deposit our most precious possession into its care.

You may have wondered why I haven't posted anything since October 30th. It's because I have limited resources and they are being used for items of greater importance and so I am taking a break. The most important things in my life are my relationships and those become an even greater focus during the Thanksgiving and Christmas season. I love to celebrate life and gratitude with my family, friends and the needy in my community. And since I've never discovered how to squeeze more than 24 hours out of any day, I, like you, am forced to elect what will receive my attention and my affection.

After Christmas I will begin challenging and encouraging you again. But, suffice it for now to offer this one Christmas challenge: make plans to enjoy the Jesus of Christmas. At this time of year He is not celebrated as a judge-which He is. He's not celebrated as a conquering King-which He is. At this time of year, He's celebrated as the approachable and gentle child. Now, even as a man, Jesus maintains these characteristics and will gratefully receive any who approach Him. This Christmas, will you do so and give Him the most valuable possession you have?

May you enjoy a Merry Christmas, filled with peace, freedom from condemnation and filled with an abundance of hope.

Do you know someone that could benefit from this posting? Why not send it to them?
Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships. This and other topics can be found in the book Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.

The Victim Mentality

2008-10-30T13:00:00.006-06:00

Whether we like it or not, history does repeat itself. Markets plummet, nations fight, people argue, management refuses to listen, employees refuse to engage themselves. In families, unspoken expectations abound and spoken expectations are often unmet. All these circumstances educate us to be skeptical students of life. Every day we face the effects of other people’s decisions and can do nothing about them except smile and go on. As we experience these constant torrents, little by little, the surface of our pride and worth is eroded away. We stand the temptation of becoming self-centered and defensive. We develop a victim mentality.

People are often quick to embrace the victim mentality because it removes all blame and responsibility from themselves and places it on something or someone else. We are a victim of circumstance. We are a victim of others’ decisions. “I didn’t decide this. I can’t control it. Why should I have to take the blame for it?” This exemplifies the conversation we have with others or within ourselves as we step into this existence. The danger with following this mental and emotional path is that we express a number of negative things to those around us. Because each person may perceive the same situation differently, we run the chance of showing ourselves as a liar, selfish, unengaged, individualistic, standoffish, arrogant and unconcerned about others in the same situation.

As an example of the victim mentality, let me offer the following personal experience. Recently, my son came home from school. He did the homework that he was responsible for and which he had written down on his daily calendar. Of course, his sole intent was finishing so he could hit the pedals of his bicycle and trek off to his next conquest. Post haste, he finished his responsibilities and ventured out to experience the world. When I arrived home that evening, I asked him if had finished his homework. “Yep. I did it as soon as I got home from school.” I then asked the fatal second question, “Have you studied for your test tomorrow?” “What test tomorrow?” he responded back. “Dad! I didn’t know there was a test tomorrow!” Obviously, he felt that by pushing the point, he would somehow convince me that the test was unimportant and that his continued bike trek was the most valuable experience. What he was really saying, but not vocalizing was, “Why should I have to study for a test when I didn’t know it was going to happen?”

How many times do we jump into the attitude of the victim because either we don’t know about the circumstances that overtake us or we are not able to control their onset? How many times do we excuse ourselves from responsibility, liability and team membership solely because we were not part of the decision making process or were uninformed until the last moment? We have two choices when these circumstances catch us by the neck. We embrace them and work through them or we declare ourselves the victim and excuse ourselves: disgracing ourselves and forcing others to take the lead in addressing the challenge and moving forward. I would suggest that we lose more by victimizing ourselves than of facing the situation in truth and working it through for a resolution. While it’s true that taking the attitude of a victim offers us a false sense of power, control and exemption, we sacrifice our reputation in the same stroke.

My conversation with my son continued, “Son, maybe you didn’t know that the test was happening, but the test is happening and if you don’t choose to face this fact, you will be ill-prepared for tomorrow. You have two choices. You can face the truth and realize that you now have a situation that you weren’t expecting-one that needs handled and prepared for. Or, you can be the victim of this circumstance and fail the test tomorrow because you chose to ignore it rather than do everything you can to make the best of a trying situation. Which will it be?” Gratefully, he chose to make the best of it. It wasn’t one of the A+ grades that he often receives but he accomplished a handful of very important things, namely ownership in his life’s education, self-confidence, greater maturity and favor with me as his father. He showed me that he is growing up and becoming the man of honor I hope him to become.

You will have a test tomorrow. You won’t know what it is until it takes you by surprise. What are you going to do about it? Victim or victor, you decide.

Do you know someone that could benefit from this posting? Why not send it to them?
Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships. This and other topics can be found in the book Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.

Don't forget the marshmallows

2008-10-06T16:28:00.004-05:00

What a week! Having worked hard and long the week past, I felt on Friday that I had earned my weekend. At 4PM I was headed home to create an experience for my family. In the ten years my daughter has been with me and the twelve years of my son, we have never gone camping. I had determined that it was time

To fulfill this endeavor, I had to find the most exanimate place that I could. Somewhere way out in the boonies but not so far that the fam would object. I discovered a place called "the back yard" worked really well.

We began setting up our newly purchased tent (which was a lesson in Job-ian patience) and extruding all of the necessities from the house: pillows, blankets, air mattresses, dishes, condiments, hot dogs, pie, etc. You get the idea. For two hours we set up and carried out. But, at last, it was done. We were all sitting around our fire pit in the back yard roasting hot dogs. The breeze was cool and gusty, the hot dogs tasty and the Starbucks phenomenal over a campfire. We sat out there for what seemed like hours just talking and laughing with our kids. After an amazingly long time, we went into the house to grab a few last minute items and realized that it had only been an hour and a half. We were amazed that when we slowed down to enjoy each other's presence, the time slowed down too. It was as though someone held back the hands of eternity so that we could enjoy every minute.

Pretty soon, everyone was hungry again and out came the marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers. Yes! It was Smoore time! The rest of the night was a memory maker as was the morning following.

I'm writing about this today because it didn't take a high dollar experience to a ranch, a cruise or anything else of consequence to enjoy our time together as a family. We were in our back yard. We were in a tent. Nothing special about either the place or the object. But the time, the environment and the fact that we made life stop were the valuable familial parts. My kids and my wife spoke the next day about how much fun they had. They were not talking of the funds, the cuisine or the location. It was family!

Have you made a point to treat yourself to a fun experience like this with your family or friends?
Don't be afraid to think outside the box and invest yourself in such a good experience. You deserve it and if you don't make it happen it won't happen by itself. Your life will continue to buzz around you and consume all the time you have available. Make time stop. Enjoy the valuable people in your life. And, when you're at it, don't forget the marshmallows.

Who do you know that would enjoy or need this article? Why not send it to them?

This topic and others like it can be found in Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships. Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.

Enjoy your victory

2008-09-22T18:06:00.005-05:00

Today I was reminded how emotionally sensitive we can be in the things that we hold valuable. Through two different experiences, I saw the elation and the disheartenment of two friends who have invested great lengths in their life’s work.

Business associate number one had been working for the past few days on a problem that had proven itself a formidable opponent. He set his face like flint and was determined not to allow this task to get the better of him. After a couple days of focused attack, I was startled with a “Woohoo!” and a set of hands thrown toward the sky in victory. He had won the battle. The look and sound of elation were obvious in the room.

On the contrast, a fairly new compatriot had spent the last few years of his life and a great portion of his resources working on a separate project. He had the great honor and joy of releasing this project to its final recipients. Over 90% of the people in the organization for which this project was created and delivered, received it with open arms and great exuberance. But, there was a shallow 5% that began the process of criticism and the offering of deriding words. The heart of my compatriot held deep excitement about his accomplishment and yet, in the elation of its completion, he had to deal with the sourness of others’ criticisms. These opponents had no idea what it took for him to complete his task or the great cost it carried. They simply felt the freedom to be critical. Sound familiar? These two experiences draw a giant truth to the surface.

Although volumes could be written from the perspective of the critical, I want to focus on the side of the worker. We are responsible for enjoying our victories-whether small or large. We must be able to encourage ourselves irrespective of the masses. If you have poured your heart and your soul into a project, be the first to enjoy the outcome. Look at what you’ve produced and determine in your own heart and soul that your victory is just that, your victory. Don’t let anyone take away the joy of your task or your desire for continued growth. Don’t grow embittered or angry with someone else’s observation or with their criticisms of your progress or finished product. Choose to find something in their criticism to propel you forward in your next project. If you hear things like, “They are no Einstein.” Be grateful. What an amazing genius to be compared with. They could have chosen a much lesser know personality. By their offering of criticism and their attempt to expose some fault or lack on your part, they have done nothing more than ensure that your next outcome will be even better than your latter. Just don’t give up!

Do you know someone that could benefit from this article? Why not send it to them? Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning in business and relationships. This topic and others like it can be found in the book Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.

Watching the coach?

2008-09-18T17:51:00.004-05:00

Today, I was in a conversation with an associate of mine that caught my attention. He is training to do a form of kickboxing. After each time he would throw a punch or land a kick on the training bag, he would look over to his coach to get a visual response. After a while, his coach asked him about this. “Why do you look over at me each time you throw a punch or land a kick? Are you expecting some kind of approval from me?” The question made my friend think. It was because he wanted the approval. He wanted to know if he was doing it right. “Yeah. I guess so,” was his reply. In response, the coach said the following: “When you are out in the ring fighting, you aren’t going to be able to look over at me to see if you got it right. You have to feel it. Go by what you feel when you throw the punch or land the kick and then adjust your attack on your own. You have to be able to do it while you’re in the ring.”

That bit of advice caught me on the chin. With anyone we are responsible for, whether peers, direct reports, children, spouses or volunteers, we have to be able to give all that we have and then pull away and let them do the fight on their own. If we create a person who is so dependent upon us that they cannot make a decision for fear that we will disapprove or that we will constantly correct them, we do ourselves and our protégé a giant disservice. The best we can do as teachers, trainers, parents and mentors is to infuse all the wisdom and knowledge we posses into the lives of others and then be there if they fall or choose help. It doesn’t mean we don’t inspect what they are doing. People really do take more care of what you inspect versus what you expect. But it does mean that we have to not only instill knowledge and wisdom but also security and self-worth. The former without the latter creates a person that will forever be bound by their own lack and inhibitions. I don't know how you feel about this, but I think I owe a few people an apology.

Do you know someone that could benefit from this article? Why not forward the link to them?

Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships. You can read this and many other topics like it in his book, Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.

Pilgrims Progress

2008-09-15T14:37:00.004-05:00

John Bunyan wrote an amazing story in 1675 called Pilgrims Progress. There are many current-day renditions of this famous classic tale in print today, however, just last night I watched the 2008 movie that bears this books name.

The move Pilgrims Progress: Journey to Heaven, produced by Danny Carrales, encouraged, challenged and inspired me as I watched it. If you have never seen this movie, please do so. You won't be distracted with overtly consuming special effects that would detract from the plot and theme of the story. Nonetheless, Pilgrims Progress: Journey to Heaven adds color in all the right places and gives its full energy and focus to help the viewer capture the full essence of the allegory. I found myself in the story both living with and as the characters while they were forging their journey to eternity.

Even if you have no religious background at all, this movie will challenge you to pursue what you cannot see but that most definitely exists.

Please, invest in your future and your vision by either renting or purchasing a copy of this movie. I make nothing out of offering this advice except the hope that you, like I, will walk away owing its makers a deep debt of gratitude.

Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships. Other topics similar and related to this can be found in Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.

Bottoms Up

2008-09-15T13:38:00.004-05:00

Imagine that you were lying on your bed embracing the final few hours of your life. What would you find as the most valuable and the most important? What would you say? Who would you say it to? How hard would you try to express yourself and your thoughts? What would be your greatest fear? How would you deal with it? What would be your greatest regret?

I know this is kind of a downer for some of you who are uncomfortable thinking about the end of your life. And, I would venture to bet that when you got up this morning, the first thought on your mind wasn't the same as the last thoughts you began to process as you started to read this blog today. You probably began to think of where the first cup of coffee would come from, who you needed to call, what clothes you would wear. From there, you began to process the stressors and the most immediate issues. All during this, you never once probably processed those moments as though they were your final ones. Why didn't you?

You see, we live as though there is no end to life. We never consider our end because it's too uncomfortable. But, starting at the bottom and working our way up is the best way to gain and maintain our focus. What we think of when we are healthy, happy and full is seldom what we think of when we are sick, depressed and empty. When we have everything, we want more of the same. When we have nothing, we want the things that are most important and often do not cost money.

As you go into your day today, ask yourself:

Who do I need to call?
Who needs a call from me? (This is different than number one above.)
What can I do to show my love and dedication to one of my friends or family members?
What caring words do I wish I had spoken and so far have never verbalized or written down?
Who can I give money to that has greater need than I?
Who can I give attention to that needs a personal touch?
With whom do I need to make amends before it's too late?

Allow yourself to think through the end of your life and then work your way backwards and be grateful that the God of this universe has allowed you yet one more day to make and keep things right, to be an encouragement in a world and workplace of difficulty and to be a messenger that can share heartfelt care and concern with others. We are just passing through this life. None of us gets to stay. Where are you going? When will you get there? Will you take anyone with you? What will you leave behind? It's inevitable. Let's live today like it was our last. Let's make our lives count.

Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships. You can read more about this topic and others in Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.

Take a chance!

2008-09-08T17:57:00.003-05:00

There are times in our lives where we must choose to do things that will not make us money. Either we choose to do these things because they simply must be done or because doing so will open up the possibility of reward later. In the first case, changing the oil of your vehicle, mowing your grass, washing your clothes or cooking your own dinner are great examples. We simply have to do these thing because they must be done. Not doing them means that later we will be punished by our own laziness.

Nevertheless, it’s not this first one I want to discuss. It’s the second one that has my interest today. There are definite times where we must invest our time or other resources in actions and situations that don’t show an immediate return. Writing this blog is a perfect example of that type of action. I cannot guarantee that anyone will find value in its presence and content, but not doing so would guarantee that no one would benefit from its presence. Spending time with friends, taking someone home when they need a ride, making dinner for someone who is ill and being extra patient with a co-worker or employee when they push all the wrong buttons are all good examples of our doing something that may have no immediate return but that will hopefully pay long term dividends.

Just remember, some times we must sacrifice an immediate monetary gain for the hope of gaining a more valuable future or future monetary gain. So when those times come, don’t simply focus on what you are not getting now. Focus on what you may get later. Be willing to take that chance. Not taking a chance guarantees that you will only possess what you can see and nothing more.

Do you know someone who could benefit from this post? Why not forward it to them? This and other topics like it can be found in Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships. Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships. To find out more about Bryan Hurlbut or Making It Count go to www.bigmeaning.com.

Openness in the workplace

2008-09-02T19:15:00.002-05:00

As a person in authority, one of the most damaging things that can happen is that your workmates assume the worst about you. Typically this happens because someone has become offended, because the boundaries you share aren't very obvious or because you simply process things differently. Maybe you feel undervalued or mistreated. Maybe you feel like people don't respect you and your position. Perhaps you even feel like others are really working around you instead of with you.

What you are discovering is the absolute importance of talking over even the smallest issues if they erode any portion of trust in a relationship. There are many things we choose to just "live with." We tell ourselves things like, "This person doesn't mean any harm" or "That's their decision, they are in control, I just have go along with it." What we are doing in these situations is giving ourselves a reason to doubt later on. These small situations mount and grow in number. Pretty soon, there are enough of these little pebbles of sand that we have a dune between us and the other person. We must commit ourselves to the process of removing these grains of sand one at a time as they try to fall between us and those we work with. If we don't, it's only a matter of time before we can no longer see the other person through the dune that separates us. As managers, we have to open the door of kindly confrontation and allow those around us to approach us fearlessly and honestly. Being in authority doesn't mean that we are perfect relationship builders. We still need the input of others around us.

What are a few things you can do to keep the sands of misunderstanding from becoming a dune?

Be honest. You have to trust that the people you work with are mature enough to discuss anything. You must at least try. If you approach a co-worker with an issue that sparked emotion or concern inside of you and they retaliate when you speak, give them time to cool down and try again. Just be honest with them and with yourself as you journey ahead. Don't feel that silence is golden in situations that frustrate or bother you. And give them the opportunity to be honest in return. It may sting but if you are committed to them, it will work itself out in the end.
Be doubtful. This may sound odd, but you really do need to go into sensitive situations with a little doubt. Doubt that the person really is against you. Doubt that they mean to hurt you. Doubt that it is as large a situation as you may believe. Then give that person a chance to prove you wrong. I think you will typically be surprised at how small some of these bothersome situations actually are.
Believe. Choose to believe in the other person that you are dealing with. There is a friend and good co-worker inside of that person. Believe in them and offer your friendship, your trust and your respect to them as you work through these small grains of sand. Remember that it's just a small grain of sand. If you already have a dune in the way, believe enough in the other person that you are willing to take the time and patience to remove that hill one grain at a time. It will take a while but don't give up. Allow them time to believe in you, too. Be patient. Healing doesn't happen over night in many cases.

Do you know someone that would benefit from this article? Why not just forward it to them. This and many other topics like it are covered in the book Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships. Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.

A day of rest is not such a bad thing

2008-08-31T16:59:00.005-05:00

Anywhere you dwell in the United States and in most civilized countries else where, it is considered illegal to murder someone. Oh, I know that there are places where murder is considered a past time, but for those of us that like to dwell together in harmony and peace, it is something that we embrace and share with others-this idea that living is a great idea.

On top of that, most of us would say that we shouldn't lie. And very few of us want someone to come into our house and take our flat panel screen down from the wall and keep it as their own. After all, we paid for it, we worked for it, we should get to keep it.

You may see where I'm going with this, but these are just a few of what we know as the Ten Commandments that the God who created the universe decided were important. Not only important but which He felt so strongly about, He warned us to follow them or the consequences would be dire. We really don't have a problem supporting these, but when it starts to invade our turf, we get a little more picky about whether we are "God-fearing" people or not. These fit in our commercialized lives. But what about sex outside of marriage? What about having affairs? Sure, maybe you're among those who say, "You haven't lost me yet. I still agree." Okay, how about "take a day off."

On this one, I would about guarantee that 95% of those reading this post just hit the back key. Do you really take a day off? The same God that issued "take a day off" also issued "do not murder" said "do not steal." You would sue or attack another for trying to steal or murder you. And yet, the third of the ten commands God gave us was a command to remember to take one day a week completely off from work. Stealing and lying didn't come until number eight and number nine! How can we be so fickle?! It's because we are commercialized and selfish.

Just think about what it would be like to have a whole day off! Nothing to do, no place to go. And on top of that, to take a portion of that day to look to the God of the universe, who created the very first atom that ever existed, and to say "Thanks, I needed the break."

As usual, here are a few thoughts:

What is really important? Ask yourself this question. Whether you are a Judeo-Christian or the worlds biggest publicized heathen or hypocrite, why won't you allow yourself, even force yourself, to take an entire day off. Skip the TV, skip the movies, skip the sports. Just sit around with a cup of coffee, tea, wine or whatever your favorite refreshment is, and just relax. Do nothing. Read a book. Have a friend over. Eat sandwiches for the day. Just do nothing. You'd even have time to ponder the question "where did the very first atom of oxygen come from?" God doesn't mind being evaluated. He's no fool. Certainly, He knows we need the break or he wouldn't have commanded it.
How fickle are you? Are you willing to embrace some of God's commands and not others? Is it that God only knows in part how we are supposed to work? Is it that you can be God's teacher and his trainer? Can God be changed by us? Or do we choose to tweak and burn parts of God's character and person to make it easier for our lives to fit our own ideas of eternity and what is right and valuable? As for me, it's only been in the past six months that I and my family have pursued a sabbath days rest. Some weeks it's on Saturday, some weeks its on Sunday. But we are now putting extreme effort into honoring this command of God just as we honor not lying or stealing. And I can tell you, it's been a struggle. My American mindset fights it. But, we are loving it. I never knew having an entire day off could be so amazingly restful.
How grateful are you? The reason God did this wasn't because He got tired. He commanded this so that we could have a day off! He's a smart God that knows His creation loves to work so much that without a boundary that creation will not stop. He knows we are generally wired to work, work, work. So, he built a stoplight into each of our roads of life. Be grateful for it! Thank God for His kindness. After all, the commandment could have been "You must work 70 hours a week and all seven days, never quit!" Be grateful that this God of creation remembers us and gives us time to wind down. Then, take a second and whisper a thank you. He really does deserve it.

Okay, I have to stop writing. After all, it's my day off.

Do you know someone that could benefit from reading this article? Send them the link and don't forget that this type of material is covered in my book Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships. Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making it Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.

Abuse of power

2008-08-30T21:34:00.009-05:00

While dealing with an associate of mine today, we had the discussion about the abuse of power. It's interesting that we all fall into this category at some time in our day, week, month or year. Sometimes all the above.

You've seen yourself in this situation: you have someone at work, church or in your civic group that you don't care to be around. Because you are in a position of authority, you are able to choose whether they can be involved with you or not. You might say things like, "they aren't up to the task" or "they really can't be trusted" or "they aren't a team player." But, all the while, your own thoughts are condemning you because you are really thinking, "I don't want to spend time with this person because they drive me nuts, I don't like them and it would be torture for me to deal with them at all. So, I'm going to manipulate my situation, abuse my authority and make certain they never spend time with or around me."

Go ahead and admit it. You've done it. I admit that I have. It's a shameful thing, too. I challenge you to think about these few ideas as you ponder your abuse of power:

Be true to yourself. If you haven't made a habit of it, you must be willing to look at yourself for who you really are. Are you a manipulative person? If you are, that's okay. Just accept that fact and begin the process of change. You don't have to stay that way. Say to yourself, "I have a problem with manipulation and abuse of my position and I'm choosing to stop that lifestyle and turn a new leaf. I will not do it any more." Then be critical of yourself and go against your own nature. See yourself as you truly are, not as you think you are. Don't look at yourself as you would like to be, embrace yourself with all of your faults and failures and realize that you definitely flawed. Your circle of friends will certainly grow larger!
Confess your faults. Go to someone you can trust and tell them about your situation. Be certain it's someone you can be honest with and someone you can trust to be tight-lipped and honest in return. Focus on yourself and your part in the situation. Don't use it as a time to massacre another persons reputation. Focus on your own faults. Let your confidant hear you as you tell them about your problem with power abuse and what you plan to do about it. This is really more for you than for them. It accomplishes two things. First, you are hearing yourself vocalize your need and desire to change. It makes it real to you. Second, it helps you create a place of accountability-a line in the sand as it were. You can look back at that point and say, "I dedicated myself verbally and personally to change and I'm not giving up."
Never quit. You won't get it right the first time. You may not get it right the second, third or fourth times. But, don't quit! Anything worth learning is worth trying over and over again to master. No musical instrument was ever mastered upon the first attempt at its play. Properly using your position of authority will happen only with practise as well. Hang in there. It will be worth it.

Do you know someone that could benefit from reading this article? Send them the link and don't forget that this type of material is covered in my book Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships. Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making it Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.

Dealing with uncomfortable situations

2008-08-29T19:01:00.008-05:00

Every one of us has uncomfortable situations to deal with. The question is, how do we handle them successfully. Here are a few ideas to challenge yourself with. Always remember, discomfort stinks but it's there for a reason.

Examine your history. Have you done something with this person that is on your conscience? Is it possible that you've offended them and are unwilling to deal with the aftermath of your own bad decisions? Look at your past. If there's something that requires another's forgiveness, ask for it early and quick.
Examine your motives. Are you pursuing something you know is wrong and are afraid you will be caught? It's never too late to turn over a new leaf. Quit while you're ahead and save yourself the anguish of getting caught or fired.
Examine your gossip level. Have you fallen into verbal abuse of the person you are uncomfortable with? It could be that you're afraid they've found out the truth and now you'll have to deal with the bad mouthing you've done in the past. If you have, tell them what you've said, why it was wrong and ask them to start over. All of us can use a fresh start once in a while.

Know someone that needs to read this? Forward my blog to them. For more issues and ideas, get my book Making It Count. It's time to make work fun again! Bryan Hurlbut is the author of Making It Count: Putting meaning back in business and relationships.